11.20.10

November 20, 2010 was the day life as I know it completely changed.  My suspicions were confirmed with lab work and blood tests, at the age of 23 I was a newly diagnosed diabetic, this day would become what I now call my Diabetic Birthday.  It may sound silly to celebrate a day where sweets became somewhat forbidden from your life and poking your finger multiple times a day was now normal, but for me, finding anything positive out of this disease is just another "win" for me.   Therefore as of today, I am now a 2yr old type 1 diabetic at the age of 25.  Last year on this day, I sat around grumpy, and emotional and ate a bag of oreos to celebrate... I dont even like oreos. lol Today, I dont necessarily have any huge plans, I am however sporting my hot pink t-shirt from Candyopololis that says "I am the sweetest thing in here" along with my new bracelet I had hand stamped for myself that says "Refuse to Sink 11.20.10"  I ordered the bracelet for myself for my "diabetic birthday" I thought "ehh what better way to celebrate!?"

So, today as I look at this second year as a diabetic I think about everything that has happened in my diabetes world.   There have been some major ups and downs but I think anyone's year would contain the same emotional roller coaster diabetic or not.

Me sporting my pump with Sami after a soccer game! 

I would have to say obtaining my new best friend, my insulin pump would be the most important and life changing diabetic even in the last year.  After being on multiple, shots, I finally was able to say goodbye to the syringes and injection pens and hello to the twice a week jab of my infusion set.  In a lot of ways life has been so much easier with the pump, no taking shots in public, or in front of strangers and giving myself insulin is so much more accessible therefore I give myself more insulin which overall controls my sugars better.

Me and my clear pump

Finally having somewhat better control with the pump means a lot more insulin which also means a tad bit of weight gain.  Since I first started insulin I have gained approximately 30lbs.  I am not happy about the weight gain and have actually felt as if I am in better shape than I was 30lbs lighter.  I started walking with some co-workers towards the end of the summer and even started running a bit.  I participated in my first 5k on Labor Day, and really enjoyed challenging myself.... running with a pump however was not a dream come true... my pump would weigh my shorts down therefore I would have to hold on to it as I ran.  We also participated in another 5k in October.  I may have gained some weight but I feel as if I am in much better shape than I was a year ago, with the holidays approaching, I should probably get back to work and back in the gym so the sweets, dont kick my but too much!

Some of my hospital family and I before our Labor Day 5k

Halee and I before our "Monster Dash" 5k

This last year I have tried to be a lot more open and positive about my diabetes, I submitted a "diabetic tip" and was published in "Diabetes Living" and I submitted my Halloween story to "Diabetes Daily" where they published my story and picture which received almost 400 "likes" The comments and positive thoughts from people I didn't even know was overwhelming.

My picture that was published on Diabetes Daily's facebook page. 

I believe in the last year I have grown in many ways as a diabetic, there are still some days of denial but overall I am much more accepting of this disease.  I have tried to get "out of the box" and become more open about my life in general.  There is still a fear that people are judging me and assuming I have diabetes because I simply ate too much chocolate, but I try not to think of "those people" at all.  God didn't just decide one day that my life was too easy and I needed another battle, he gave me this disease for a reason, somedays are easier to see than others but there is a purpose, that I know.

So, to make this post relatively "short" for me anyways I would like to just say "Thanks!" to all of the important people in my life that have held my hand throughout a lot of my daily struggles, I am such a lucky lady to have so much support and love from many people, I would be lost without each and everyone of you.  Now... I have to go and CELEBRATE! :)

Love/Hate/CGM

 The Continual Glucose Monitor CGM

To say I am a fan of this device is quite the understatement.  I am not.  A continual glucose monitor reads your blood glucose every 15 minutes and will warn you before you are about to be super high or super low.  If you are sleeping, it dings constantly until you awaken to check your blood sugar.  One would think "if this checks your blood sugar every 15 minutes, no more poking your poor banged up fingers right?" ...absolutely not.  First off, you have to "calibrate" the device every 6-12 hours and sometimes if not calibrated correctly the readings are WAY off.  One day it was dinging at me that my blood sugar was 344, after quickly checking with my meter, I discovered I was really 162 and fine.  I will admit, it has woken me up and saved me from crashing a few times, and yes I understand the necessity of this medical device which is sometimes quite uncomfortable.  I thought I, myself would be brave and show everyone exactly how not fun this thing is to put on.

I remember sitting in the waiting room before my training thinking to myself, "you haven't even looked at this thing yet, you better see what you're in for..." 10 seconds later I was on my feet informing my mom we were going home.  What I saw looked way worse than the "piercer" for my pump and on top of that, when I asked the instructor if this hurt, she flippin' paused.  ...GREAT!  Her response ended up being "if you insert it correctly then no..." not the answer I wanted to hear.  I made it through class once again with a new device now attached to my other side.  Scared, angry, sore and confused summed up a lot of how I felt towards life and my body in general.

Back to this oh so lovely process.  Please note I am not the smallest girl ever so taking pictures of my abdomen was a little nerve racking. :) This is by far my most personal post physically but I figured instead of taking pictures off of the internet, I would be brave and just show you my body and my way!

Not my prettiest picture, I had just got done working out and ready for a bubble bath

I change my CGM out every three days same as my pump.  I usually before changing them both take a LONG bubble bath device free.  Also, I have learned it is much better to have both devices on the same side.  The sensor sometimes looses the pump so to help from having to "connect the lost sensor" multiple times, it is just easier to put it all on one side.

First-I get all of my supplies together.  I have a box that I carry everything in.  Really for the sensor you only need your new sensor, the inserter I call it the "gun", the monitor, and tape.  It is quite simple but far more scarier than the infusion sets.

My Little Box of Life

Second-I load the sensor into the gun and calk it back...seriously.  I clean off the area I will be placing this lovely thing.  Yeah check out how long that needle is... ouch!

-I have so many pictures of this part due to the fact that I was taking forever to convince myself to "shoot" it into my abdomen.




Third-I hold the gun flat footed which is at a 90 degree angle.  My instructor told me to hold it up a little higher to avoid irritation.

I keep the "feet" of the "gun" flat and then raise it up a bit

Fourth-comes the lovely part of clicking the button on the gun, which shoots the long needle quickly into you.  What should be the fastest part of this entire process is actually the longest.  It usually takes me a bit to work up the courage to intentionally inflict pain upon myself.  I'll change where I want to place the sensor, take more deep breaths then suddenly "BAM" I pushed it.

I have to take the gun apart from the sensor

Fifth-Next I have to take out the long needle.  You do this by squeezing the two sides and drawing out the needle in one swift motion.

The needle is still in there, you have to draw the needle out at a 90 degree angle aslo

Sixth-You have to put plenty of pressure on the sensor because usually you bleed after the needle is taken out, and if you bleed too much the sensor will not work.

The needle after taking it out of my stomach

Bleeding just a little

Seventh-Leave the sensor in for a minimum of 30 minutes before attaching the monitor.

Waiting my 30 minutes to connect my monirot

Compared to the size of a quarter

Eighth-After attaching the monitor you put your tape and cover over the sensor, this was the hardest par,t other than getting the courage to shoot my abdomen, due to the fact that I, nor my mom could figure out the tape... and she's an RN. lol

The monitor in it's charger waiting to be connected

                                     

The first part of taping it all up

 




Finally you connect the sensor with your pump by pushing a lot of buttons on your pump followed by a 2hr fast.  After two hours it  will ding you to check your blood sugar and calibrate.

The end result

My pump set on the other side, getting ready to be moved to the same side coinciding with my sensor

Overall, this process is relatively quick and not as painful at all as I am sure I lead on, just frustrating as much of this disease is.  I wear my sensor three days on three days off, just to give myself a little break. I am woken up almost every night I wear it due to myself not calibrating it correctly, forgetting to calibrate is period, or if I am going low, or high.  It literally makes you check your blood sugar in the middle of the night.  I have became a little bit self conscious of the sensor when it comes to staying the night somewhere else.  Recently my mom and I stayed in a hotel room together out of town and she woke up probably four or five times due to my sensor dinging me.  I kept silencing it because I just wanted to sleep and it has become a habit.  She finally woke me up and made me check my blood sugar which was fine, I had just calibrated it wrong.  She was so tired of the dinging and quite annoyed.  In a way I was happy she got to see exactly why I dislike this thing so much but at the same time it made me more self conscious.  I don't want to be sleeping over at a friend's house and annoy them with this loud device or get yelled at.  I have already planned on not wearing it around when I stay with people.  I will soon not care and get this device figured out but all I can think on a daily basis is: 

GOD BESS THE POOR MAN THAT WILL HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ME!!! :) 

Pump it Up!!

First Day of Officially Pumping

 Written: Tuesday August 31, 2012

It seems like this day took forever to finally get here...Today (July 24, 2012) is the day that I am supposed to get this device that is supposedly supposed to change my life and make life so much easier for me. Hmmm how is something that is attached to me 24/7 supposed to make life easier?  This has definitely been a “I’ll believe it when I see it” kinda moments.  When first hearing about the pump I had thought it was something you hooked up to only when you needed insulin not something that stays with you when you sleep, work, and play.  Interested, I think not.  Plus one of the most important questions “how am I going to accessorize this with all of my outfits?”  

Who needs one more reason to tell the world “look at me I have diabetes”  As stated before I have always been very private about this disease for many reasons, embarrassment, sympathy, or judgement.  I figured as many people in the world are so ignorant about this disease they would all assume I did this to myself by being overweight.  I remember thinking to myself “I know plenty of people who are larger than me and they do not have to battle this?”  This was usually followed with the question “Why me?” 

Back to pumping.  Mom and I arrived in Wichita for my appointment at 9am.  The overly cheery trainer proceeded to start “class” when the other girl arrived for her training.  She was super nice and had been battling this disease for 5 years nearly 4 more than myself.  We took the exact same amount of insulin which was also kinda crazy and were around the same age.  She however got a purple pump and mine is clear.  I was a little sad when I saw the bright pretty pump she would get to wear however if I couldn’t have lime green then clear would be the next best color (and it would go with more outfits!)  The instructor figured out numerous calculations and set our pumps up with the basil rates we would each need.  Finally came the part that terrified me.  Inserting the infusion set.  I was chosen to go first of course. 

The Infusion Set

 I remember sitting in the room thinking to myself “this is your life now”  At one point I completely lost focus and just sat there teary eyed.  This is not something I want.  At the age of 24 an insulin pump should not be high on the priority list.  I want to go out with my friends and not think about how many carbs one beer has.  I want to take a random road trip without having to freak out when thinking “did I pack EVERYTHING I need to survive being away from home for just 24hrs?”  I want sleep without worrying that I will crash and have no help.  

I loaded what I call the “piercer” and clicked it into my abdomen, my co-student cringed at the noise it made and mom looked at me with concern, no it didn’t hurt, was it overwhelming? Yes.  Did I think I could do this again by myself? Um NO! 

Before you pull back the button

What I Call the "Piercer" You click the buttons on the sides and BAM it shoots right in you.

Class ended and I was pretty sure I would have no problem running the pump.  Changing out the infusion set... that may be another story.  Mom and I went to eat lunch at the mall after class.  On the way there I was highly irritable due to the high blood sugars, stress and just overwhelming feeling I had.  At the mall I ordered my food sat down and decided to go ahead and give myself some insulin.  I checked my blood sugar, typed it in, enter, skipped the carb step, enter, then typed in 8 units of insulin.  I put my pump back in my pocket when suddenly it started buzzing.  “Seriously?”  The pump started flashing “no delivery”  Of course leave it to me to have the defective pump or body that breaks down right as soon as class was over.  I tried to detach the pump from my body, that didn’t work.  I couldn’t even un-twist the infusion set. Mom was trying to help me when finally the tears came.  Yup right there in the middle of the food court I broke down.  I was standing there with my stomach for the world to see trying to get this damn machine off of me crying hard.  Finally mom convinced me to call the instructor who of course did not answer.  My only other option besides standing there and crying was to call the company.  I was so upset I couldn’t think this was going to help at all.  My biggest fear was that they would tell me to take the entire infusion set out and put a new one in.  I had three days till I was supposed to worry about that!  Medtronic (the company) was super nice.  Oh the poor guy that answered the phone...I was crying so hard he started getting nervous but was so sweet.  Finally he sent me to a lady who walked me step by step on how to get the pump detached from me.  Then of course my luck could not get any better...the infusion set was bad.  I needed a longer needle or to go into a skinnier section of my body therefore this machine was hooked into me doing nothing.  Not to mention the “oh crap your body has no insulin in you” therefore not only did I have an infusion set in me... I also had to now give myself a damn shot.  This was so not my day.  

This is exactly how it looked that day in the mall with my mom and I screaming at each other. 

This is the part of the pump I could not get off of me, it is super simple now and takes less than 2 seconds :) 

Meanwhile I am at the mall drying my tears with my useless pump attached.  A good friend called and I was trying so hard to not cry all over again, it was a new friendship and I did not want him to see this side of me... I am one of those people who hate crying in front of other people, it is embarrassing and usually super personal.  He was amazing, and made me feel so much better (as much as I could)  I am sure I came off cranky but he was patient with me which was so helpful to my terrible mood.  

Mom and I went to Target before we headed home and she asked me if I wanted to try and change it out.  I really did.  I wanted to wear something that was actually working in me.  So we sat in Starbucks with my books and all the gadgets ready to put another one in.  This time I went higher more towards my rib cage.  Between the two of us we figured it out and actually got it to work...  I felt tons better and way more confident about the whole situation.  

24 hours later my blood sugars went from being in the high 400’s to the 90’s.  I was extremely impressed.  Completely sold? Not so much, not yet anyways.  Sleeping that first night was terrible.  I would have to try and remember where it was so I wouldn’t roll over and just completely rip it out and it hurt when I accidentally laid on top of it. 

My co-workers are super supportive and even watched me change my pump out tonight which was a huge step for me, I absolutely love them for everything they have been through with me.  As for the supportive friend, I was actually at his house when my infusion set completely came out.  I had everything to replace it but seriously?  How embarrassing?  I know, I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed but I am so guarded with this disease.  He could not have been nicer.  He kept asking me if he could help or what I needed him to do.  I stood there in my head thinking to myself “don’t cry, don’t cry”  I tried so hard to play it cool but I was really freaking out and thinking to myself “who wants to deal with this disease that doesn’t have to?” Finally I put a new set in and all was well, I made him not look. lol

I do believe at the time God literally placed this man into my life to help me through this small diabetic battle.  He is a patient, kind, caring man and just what I needed at this point in my journey.  We talk little now but his support and kindness will always be super special to me, you know who you are....so “Thank YOU!” doesn’t even begin to describe how grateful I am for you to have been there with me. :) 

This. Is. My. Life. Now.  If I want to live to or past the age of 50 right now this is my only solution.  If I ever want a chance at children, this is how.  If I want to keep my fingers and toes, this may help.  If I want my old life back in some way, this will help.  Freedom is something that went out the window for me awhile back.  With this pump I am finally getting a small taste of having it back.  Am I a proud pumper?  Not yet.  I am still self conscious to an extent and catch people staring at it.  I am sure however 6 months down the road I won’t even know it is there.  It is my new best friend and as I like to call it “My pancreas in a box” :) 

My Pancreas in a Box.

I had to also get a new meter that automatically sends my blood sugar to my pump to correct and store it. 

1st time going swimming with my pump, I had nowhere to put it for the drive to the lake.  I had to take it off while swimming and hook up to it every so often for the day. 

Wearing my pump while visiting the "wiener mobile" with the girls! 

Approved.

Approved. 

So I took a vacation from blogging... I also took a mental vacation from diabetes, okay so we all know this is not possible, a day yes but more than a day... not so much a possibility.  Earlier I posted about being denied by my insurance company for my insulin pump and having to test my blood sugar a million times a day.  

Let me back up... first of all, I had to choose a pump.  I was given catalogs and books of different pumps to choose from.  Of course I ran right into the book that had the limegreen pump and everything my Dr. said after she handed me the book went in one ear and out the other.  There was also a wireless pump that intrigued me as well.  Finally my mom literally grabbed the books so I would pay attention and... it looked like Medtronic was probably the best fit for me.  They had a representative that came to their office multiple times a week.... only problem NO LIMEGREEN PUMP!?  Are you kidding me?  That has been my only stipulation when it comes to this device, you finally get me on board the pump it up train and no limegreen pump?  Yes, there was a pink one, a purple one even a blue one... no plain green even.  Disappointed? I think yes.  After this mom told our Dr. she would let them know the next day what I decided.  At home I looked at the books more and more still pissed about the lack of a green pump but at the end of the day... medtronic had what I needed.  They also carry a CGM  (Conitunal Glucose Monitor) I told mom I did not want that and medtronic told me insurance RARELY covers any of it, fine by me, who wants two ports instead of one?  ...not this girl. 

My books of pumps...

And the Winner is... MEDTRONIC 

A super nice guy named Abraham calls me with questions as to my highest and lowest blood sugars, when I am most likely to bottom out and when I am highest.  He asked me if I had any questions regarding the pump and I said I actually did “Is the thing water proof?”  His response, “umm... that is a good question and no, it can stand a little water but it is much like a cell phone, if it to get drenched it will be ruined”  I sat there rolling my eyes thinking “just great, no randomly jumping into pools or lakes” (Not that I do that often or ever but...what if I wanted to?)  So after my 3 months of testing, I had to make a special trip all the way back to Wichita just so they can plug my glucometer into a machine and print off my blood sugars and send them to the insurance company.  I thought between my mom and I we had explained we needed the last 3 months sent.  They asked me if I wanted a copy which was not necessary, I knew they were bad no sense in seeing it on paper.  Less than 24 hours later, medtronic calls... and of course my Dr’s office had only sent them a month’s worth and they needed 3 months of testing.  This means no moving forward till I get my glucometer back to wichita.  SERIOUSLY!? I just made the 90mile trip the day before and am going back to work for the next 8 days.  Luckily mom was going to be in the city later that week which meant I had to give her my glucometer and use my back up one for the day. Finally they get the tests to medtronic. 

The pump and CGM

A week later I am in Derby, KS visiting my cousins, while at their “Gym and Swim” day I had a missed call from a number I didn’t recognize.  It was medtronic calling to inform me that I had been approved not only for the pump but also for the CGM.  I was super, super excited!  This had been a long time coming.  “But wait...I was approved for the CGM? I didn’t know I wanted this, and I thought insurance never covered any of it, so why me?  Am I really that bad off to need this thing?!”  Hours after getting the message I called them back and they asked me my height  and what color of pump I would like.  My response “You guys haven’t gotten a limegreen one in the last month by any chance?” They hadn’t so I just went with clear.  Within a few days the giant boxes arrived and were sat on my bed... I was out of town still when they arrived and I made mom get in the “pump” one to make sure my pump was NOT BLACK, it showed online mine was black.  It was indeed white.  We made my appointment for training for just the pump, they said both were too much to handle at one time.  I had online classes to start which were a complete bore, but actually a tad helpful.

My Giant Boxes that Held the Two Tiny Items Shown Above.

Doesn't she just look super duper happy about her pump? 

I was being good and taking my classes.... 

Excited, and terrified were how I felt, I finally got the news I wanted and was super excited to see if this will make my life any easier at all but if I don’t like it... thats a grand total of about a $10,000 trial.  To say my parents love me is an understatement.  

Soon I would get to say goodbye to my injections and needles not forever but for the most part. :) 

Kim Kardashian

First of all, I know I have oh so much to catch up on in the months since I have blogged.  I have been writing what seems like a novel in my "pages" on my macbook pro.  A few of the big things that have happened in my diabetic life would be-Yes, I finally got a approved for a pump, I took my classes for the pump and am now officially pumping!  I also got a CGM which has been very interesting to say the least... those stories are coming... soon!  However today, I just have to write a short little blog about Kim Kardashian. :)

Okay, okay so I will admit it, I do watch "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" and am a fan.  I was watching the season finale, well catching up on it the other day and Kim has made the decision to freeze her eggs, therefore she has to take hormone injections.  I seriously about fell over watching her try to give herself an injection in her abdomen.  Her first try, she barely gets the needle in and yanks it right out.  Her mom- Kris is there to assist her and they both looked very professional wearing gloves and everything.  Another attempt was when her mom tries to just throw the needle in her stomach and ends up hitting Kim's finger.  I am about to flippin' lose it at this point due to the humor I see in all of this.  Finally what I saw a 3rd time was the charm and she finally was able to insert the injection.

Lucky Kim! Yeah it would suck to have to give yourself hormone injections for a couple weeks or months but try giving yourself multiple, multiple injections everyday for the rest of your life? Before I switched to the pump, I was giving myself a minimum of 12-16 shots daily or more.  Sometimes, I would skip shots due to being on a date and not wanting the guy to see me inject literally every flippin' hour.  They burned, took up tons of time, and were inconvenient but... they were necessary for life.  In all honesty, I am glad they showed how painful and not fun an injection can be, for five minutes the world was able to see moments we as diabetics have gone through daily for years.  In no way am I anti-Kardashian, I just found the humor in this scene which I think many other people probably did as well.


I wish I had a video clip of this for everyone to enjoy but all I was able to find would be a picture that really is worth a thousand words.  

Sick of Pricks...

It has literally been months since I have posted... I honestly have had it with diabetes!  This to many who have this disease is a day to day thought. lol I went to go see about FINALLY getting a pump (about two months ago) and insurance denied me (temporarily)  due to the lack of me checking my blood sugar regularly-I know, I know my bad.

I absolutely HATE checking my blood sugar.  The pricks hurt and sometimes it takes me a bit to actually click the button and purposely inflict temporary pain on my poor little fingers.  They are bruised, and have little ugly marks and calluses all over them.  Also I hate that if you don't get exactly enough blood on the strip-IT DOESNT WORK!  That's almost a $1 which doesn't seem like much but trust me, it adds up!   I work nights therefore they are never going to be somewhat at the same time... ever.  Okay so I will admit I have been a total slacker when it comes to checking my sugar and this is an appropriate "wake up call" that I needed probably a year ago.

(I did not take this picture, I simply found it online but I do LOVE IT)

So I play along and start checking my blood sugars CONSTANTLY and became obsessed which was good and bad... Along with constantly checking my blood came the constantly correcting it, followed by the constant bottoming out.  I would drop to at least 40 daily.

After the constant lows came the fear of bottoming out all the time which is now followed by the absolute highs which brings with them the ketones. GRRR.

I cannot win, this statement was true after days of being diagnosed with diabetes.  This is an unfair disease.  You follow the rules, play the game its way and get NO WHERE! Irritated, grumpy and flat pissed off is exactly how I feel daily which is probably partly due to the high sugars but high sugar or not, I AM MAD!   Well, I feel better now after getting all of that out. lol :) 

Explanations and Understandings

In the Summer of 2005 I was introduced to a little girl that changed my life forever, little miss Lydi was just one year old when my Aunt and Uncle adopted her from China.  I was 17 when we flew to China to get her.  Up until then I was the youngest grandchild on my mother's side of the family, I instantly fell in love with our little blessing counting down days until I would get to see her.

Lydi and I the first year we had her. 

A couple years later when I was in College my Aunt and Uncle adopted another little girl just over a year old from India named Samantha.  Sadly I was unable to go with them to get her but have adored her since the first day I met her in the Summer of 2008.

Sam when we first got her

The year I was diagnosed as a diabetic, I spend darn near the entire summer before staying with them.  As I have stated before that was probably one of the most amazing summer's of my life.  I was with a good guy that adored the girls as much as I did and had a best friend that even babysat my little cousins when I was out of town.  It truly seemed as if I had everything I could ever want in life but me being me was still not happy, I was a recent college graduate and did not get that "dream job" everyone counts on after graduation.  Instead I had three mediocre jobs that were not near my guy, best friend or girls.  By the end of the summer I let two of my jobs go and kept one full time job to make life a little easier.  What I loved most about that summer was the constant go.  My friends and I would go to the movies constantly (I LOVE GOING TO THE MOVIES!) Lydi played t-ball which my friends and I attended together, and even the guy I was with played baseball (which is also my favorite sport/summer past time) so the girls would go with me to his games, best summer ever... yes!  Fall came and I was still stuck in Medicine Lodge and as I stated before in my very first post, the guy I was with and I ended things right before my diagnoses.   You could say that great summer came to a very screeching halt!

My College Graduation Day!!

That fall and beginning of Winter were pretty much miserable, I was moody beyond belief, angry, sad, and literally sick.  I would still go visit the girls they were about the only thing I looked forward to anymore.  I still continued to remain friends with the guy ( I hate the words x it sounds so terrible...) I hadn't told him about the life changing day in November which really wasn't fair but his mom is a diabetic and I knew he would understand I just for some reason wanted to be perfect in his eyes, which I was far from lol I finally broke down and told him and he was super supportive, his mom even offered to talk with me about it, I was just still in some denial and just wanted it to go away.  I feel like I should explain what ended up happening to "us" long story short, we saw each other less and less and eventually he moved on as did I, I always thought we would remain friends but that is in a perfect world.  In reality we are no longer even facebook friends and I have to ask my aunt about him.  He is now married and happier than I could have ever made him.  I am thankful to have gotten to have him in my life as long as I did and will always cherish the friendship we had.  Do I think Diabetes ruined this relationship? lol No, pretty sure I managed to do that all on my own, granted the unknown moodiness couldn't help any situation let alone a relationship.

Us three at the park!

At first it was easy hiding my disease from Sam and Lydi, to them nothing seemed different than normal.  I remember one day I was with Lydia and she wanted to share a soda, she decided upon a coke which was not going to happen for me, so I bought her a coke and got myself a diet soda.  On the way home she kept asking me why I couldn't drink her drink.  I finally told her that regular soda has a lot of sugar in it and that my body is different than a lot of people's and can't have sugar.  I remember looking in the rearview mirror as her mouth dropped open saying "YOU CAN'T HAVE CANDY!?" It really was cute, I told her no that I have to watch very carefully what I eat.  Lydi is a very smart now almost 8yr old and asked tons of questions.  Sam never noticed much difference than I was "smaller" when she hugged me and not as "fluffy" when I would hold her.  That Spring we had a slumber party and stayed in a hotel together and that was the first time they saw me give myself a shot.  They made it seem "cool." Sam kept saying "I wanna see, move over" She asked me if I had to do that everyday and I told her yes, but just once a day.  (Which at that point it was)

My beautiful Girlies Easter Sunday!

That Summer Lydia turned 6 and had a pool party, my previous guy friend was invited and that was the last time I saw him.  I was angry with him and never spoke a word to him.  This was the weekend before I was to see my specialist and wanted so badly to talk to him about it, but as far as we both were concerned things ended long before this point.  That weekend as I stated in previous posts was my last "hoorah" which ended with me staying in Wichita, with extremely high blood sugars.  The only thing other than the hospital that would bring them down was fluids.  I could hardly get out of the bed and Lydia took great care of me, she kept bringing me bottled water and "checking on me" Literally one of the sweetest and smartest 7 year olds ever!

At Lydia's Pool Party

Now that I am on insulin and take multiple multiple shots a day the girls are used to it.  They even call me out when I am eating something bad, its kinda funny actually.  One day I was downstairs with them playing and could feel a low coming on I didn't want to scare them so I just slowly stood up and started up the stairs where all of my medicines were.  I started climbing them and got so light headed that I ended up crawling the rest of the way.  I had a blood sugar of 60 or something.  I started with a glass of juice then a piece of candy.  Lydia came upstairs and started in on me for eating the candy, I tried to explain to her that I have to when I have too much insulin in my body.  She stated very simply that "it's just so confusing LuLu"  I laughed and told her no one could have said it better... Now at meals Sam shouts (she doesn't just talk, she talks loud) "LuLu are you going to poke yourself with a needle now? and can I watch?" Earlier this week she stood on her chair at Panera while we were at lunch and goes "Hey everybody, LuLu..." at which point I grabbed her and made her sit down and be quiet.  I love how "cool" she thinks it is and just wants everyone to know.

Sammi's Always a Little Crazy!

It depends on the age of the ears when it comes to explaining this disease, family is always sorry and understanding, children see it in the simplest way as diabetes is when you have to poke your finger and give yourself shots, and friends are sometimes the best ones to just be there, they have no clue what it is like for you everyday personally but they try there best to give advice which can be helpful and annoying at the same time.  I became very attached to the people that were there for me when I was first diagnosed and will always be grateful that they were/are a part of my life. 

We Love Our Silly Faces!!

My cousins and I just Monday.  Sam came running into my room (I have my own room at their house for when I visit) and was giggling saying "I'm like you LuLu" She had a plastic thing pointing it at her stomach I looked at Lydi questionably, soon Lydi goes "She's trying to be like you and give herself a shot in the stomach with her toy shot from her Dr. kit, and SAM  I told you not to take that shot till dinner!" HILARIOUS!