Most of the Medicines

I am from a town actually called Medicine Lodge, however growing up I never knew exactly how the words Medicine would effect my entire life.  Throughout high school and college I never really took a lot of medications other than a small pill for the occasional "stress headaches"  My entire family (almost) is in the medical profession and I also was working in the medical field and just saw too many people dependent on medicines that I thought were unnecessary don't get me wrong, I even then understood some medications people had to depend on daily for survival but I just did not want to be a person that had a bag of medicines or needed a pill box... so funny now how I have became just that!

My very first day as a diabetic I was put directly on metformin 500mg twice a day and then a shot that was somewhat new and called victoza.  I assumed it was insulin and was very upset it just seemed like too much at once, however my PA informed me that it was not insulin and that it was to help lower blood sugars and control an amount of weight loss possibly.  I think this was the only positive thing about the entire life changing appointment.  Still in the end I told my mom that I didn't care if I lost weight or not, I had the perfect wardrobe and that my weight didn't bother me.  However as a type 2 diabetic weight loss can control your entire diabetes and some can even go off of medicines which would be ideal of course.  Therefore I started all the medicines.  By January my PA doubled the amount of metformin and increased my amount of victoza.  My blood pressure was higher than normal therefore they put me on lisinopril which would also help my kidneys.  I had lost weight but the side affects of the metformin were brutal.  I had the nausea constantly, bouts of I guess what you would call anorexia, where I would not eat anything at all and cry when people would try to get me to.  My stomach killed me constantly it felt like my insides were being ripped out of me.  There would be the diarrhea then constipation, this drug was just miserable.  Sometimes I wonder if it was the medicine that was killing me or the fact that I was spilling keytones.  

Finally in July after my appointment with my specialist she put me on Novolog and Levemir.  I remember in the meeting she asked me how I was feeling.  I told her I felt completely overwhelmed, but what she really meant was how physically I was feeling and I told her I had constant stomach pain and bouts of dizziness which I had, had for about 6 months both signs of spilling keytones.  I remember when she first walked in she flat told me they were probably going to admit me directly into the hospital and needed more blood work drawn stat.  All I could think of was "I feel fine, like I have for months now" After my "stat" blood work came back she informed me she was okay with me going home, however we were in Wichita which is shopping central for us small town folk and I wanted new scrubs!  Mom feeling bad for me took me to Red Lobster where I took my first shot of insulin.  After lunch we went to the mall and I was soaked in sweat.  Granted it was July and the hottest summer EVER but it was just constant, checked my sugars and they were in the 200s which hell was better than the 400s they had been in. The next morning when I called in to report my sugars I told them about the sweats and shakiness which to me was strange due to the fact that my sugars were still high.  (I had never experienced a low blood sugar ever at this point) they told me that my body had been so used to high blood sugars that at this level my body would still react as if they were low.  I had to call the office and report blood sugars everyday for at least two weeks, it was such a pain.... 

In November I went to see my normal PA and she had just met with her drug rep who told me that he had a lot of doctors using an old regimen known as 70/30.  A shot you took just twice a day kinda like metformin.  You did't need to inject it with meals or even take a long acting insulin.  I would take it at 8 and 8... that next morning I bottomed out to 39 and the next morning after decreasing the units I bottomed out to 37.  After the medicine was adjusted correctly it was a dream drug, it gave me so much of my freedom back and I loved it. 

 In the end my specialist preferred I stick with the novolog and levemir however at this time they wanted me to try another injection on top of the other two called symlin.  Honestly, I never saw this one work for me at all... A month after taking it all I had was a $300 dollar shot that I had an allergic reaction to that gave me terrible welts all over my abdomen.  I let the doctors know and they said to just stick with the other two.  

So as of now I take about 10 units of novolog with every meal and then 3-5 with snacks.  At 8pm I take 16 units of levemir daily.  Along with that orally I take lisinopril and then xanax for those not so fun mood swings.  The other day one of my co-workers commented on my somewhat large medicine bag that goes with me everywhere more than my purse even, he said I was too young to have that many medicines, he was not rude about it whatsoever just stating a TRUE fact, I am too young to have this many medications but its all about survival.

In the end being on a lot of medicines just flat SUCKS this is not what I wanted or what I ever thought would happen but sometimes that is just how life is.  I found a quote that I feel helps when I am having those down days, it says "You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it" 

Drink, Drank, Drunk-Drinking With the Betes!

November 20, 2010 literally 5 days from Thanksgiving was the fateful day that I was diagnosed as a diabetic.  It is such a long story about the whole process of being diagnosed that I will have to save that for another blog... However I am super lucky that my doctor and I are super close, as she was giving me the life changing news I was doing somewhat well (I have worked in a hospital for years and basically knew what was wrong with me so it wasn't a super shock) that was until she stated the words "you do know you aren't going to be able to drink like you have and do now" My mouth literally dropped open and the tears started flowing.  Drinking is not my entire life however at the age of 23 is was certainly an important part.  I right then wanted to go back to my college years and re-experience the entire time and party more, sounds entirely immature but I felt like I missed that part of my college experience.  Yes, I enjoy having a casual beer however, I am drinker to get drunk, a go big or go home kinda girl, and always have been.  Don't get me wrong, I always make sure I have a ride home or someone to call, and I make sure I am in a safe environment with people I trust.

This is me and Leigh my PAC-she has done so much for me!

My drinking career began at a young age my first drink being at the age of 14 with a good friend at a slumber party we shared a wine cooler of her mom's.  It wasn't really till my sophomore year of high school that drinking became my social life.  I enjoyed it and loved how it made me feel powerful and fearless, my friends and I attended many parties and even stayed the night at some, it really was a fun part of high school.  Senior year us girls had a blast and partied a lot in Pratt,  I have always been very open with my parents when it comes to drinking, and they trusted that I would be responsible to make correct decisions which I think I usually was. Sr. year of course was the best year and it wasn't all about drinking it was about making memories with my closest friends.

Me and my girlfriends our SR. year in high school drinking at the lake.

Finally in college, I can honestly say I didn't drink a lot or too often, I didn't like drinking away of my hometown where I knew everyone and knew who I could and couldn't trust.  After my first year of college I transferred to Fort Hays State University which is somewhat known for drinking.  I was still somewhat a good girl and never went to parties on week nights-maybe once and generally saved my partying for the weekend if at all.  I loved going to the country bar in Hays and dancing with my friends, tequila soon became my favorite drink and not in a margarita, I liked it straight in a shot glass with some lime.

A drinking game in college called cuffs and cases, the first couple who drink a case of beer together win, while being handcuffed to each other.

Me and Erica drinking and playing washers before a night out! 

At the age of 22 for Spring Break I travelled to Italy with my class, we saw so much art and many famous paintings, it was one of the best trips of my life.  In the evenings our tour guide was good to take us out and I was all about partying in Florence, Italy.  St. Patrick's day we went on a pub crawl and I had a blast, however I don't fully remember the walk back to our hotel with the tour guide, however my roommate in college who isn't much of a drinker was with me at all times, and I knew he would make sure I was okay.  The next day while hungover we went to a wine tasting and let's just say alcohol was not my friend that.  My entire trip was not about drinking but it was a very fun and exciting part of it.

Drinking in Florence

St. Patrick's Day Pub Crawl

The summer after college I spent most of my time with my then boyfriend and best friend, we all 4 went out  lot but generally to movies and dinner but neither were huge drinkers and it wasn't a priority of ours, that summer proved that you can have a good time and not spend the entire time drinking.  I did attend my sister's bachelorette party and had a blast drinking without getting drunk honestly, I had just a couple beers however the next day getting into the shower I slipped and obtained the largest bruise of my life! lol -this was the last summer before I was diagnosed.

Me, Nathan, and Jenn-my first summer after college

It was a Tuesday night in October when Justine and I went out, yes a random Tuesday night.  There was no one at the bar but we decided to just go for shots, shots, shots!  The next day I was a tad hungover and very dehydrated very normal after a night of drinking, however the hunger for thirst never went away after that day, I was constantly thirsty it took me over a month later to finally make an appointment.

Sometimes I want to blame alcohol for my pancreas finally quitting but I know it's not true, it was just the plan god and my body had for me.  Something I didn't share earlier is that I am an emotional drinker, which is terrible and I know that and it is something I am working on.  When I am upset, mad, or angry I drink not a little a lot, I drink to forget and I drink to feel nothing.  After being diagnosed my emotions were all over the place and drinking wasn't an option, finally I kind of said screw it, I am 23 and I am going to be 23.  I had lost all of this weight and wanted to go out and have a good time, and I did.  Last spring I was going out every other weekend and drinking a lot, I literally passed out, outside the bar in a sticker patch.  My sugars were already out of control so I didn't figure drinking could do much more harm. -This was all before I was on insulin and diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic

Me and some friends last summer at the bar. 

I had done really well with my drinking and don't really go out much part of which is due to the fact that my boyfriend doesn't go out too much and we choose to stay in together instead.  At the end of January was when my doctor had informed me that I most likely will be unable to have children, and they started me on a new insulin which ran my sugars high and my emotions on overload.  The weekend after my appointment Russell and I had been fighting for days and decided to go out with some friends.  Before we left with our friends we had yet another stupid fight and that night I decided to not feel anything.  It was literally the most drunk I have ever been, I can't even tell you everything I drank.  It was also the first time I had been this drunk after being on a 24hr insulin.  I puked ALL NIGHT LONG and by 4:30 in the morning I felt so weak that I knew something was wrong and suddenly it hit me, I can't keep anything down and have long acting insulin in me, my sugar is dropping and is going to continue to.  I was terrified.  Yes at the age of 24 I called my mom and she told me we would probably have to go to the ER.  I work at the hospital and was ashamed of myself and what I had done to myself, now my co-workers are going to have to see me in this state and see what I had done.  Mom asked me why I drank so much and and I told her it was because I wanted to be a normal 24yr old and not feel anything for once.  She was very understanding and took me home where I was able to keep toast down and I didn't ended up going to ER. Russell took very good care of me that night and even checked my blood sugar while I was passed out.

After that night I learned what drinking with diabetes will do to you and your pancreas.  I would say it was the wake up call I needed.  I have learned fun does not revolve around drinking and you can be in social situations and not be hammered it isn't what life is all about. I went from drinking a couple beers a week to it now tasting too sweet.  I wouldn't change my high school years for anything and now see what an emotional drinker I am and am hopefully maturing and find a different way to get my emotions out safely.  I am not saying underage drinking is a good thing or something everyone should experience it is just something I chose to do in my life and I don't regret it.

Casually drinking with some friends at a wedding dance in February