Diabetes Living

So year 1 with diabetes I was very much in denial.  However it did not affect my life as much as it does so now.  Also my pancreas was in a "honeymoon" phase.  They say with type 1 diabetics as soon as you start any type of treatment that your pancreas decides to start back up and work normally producing insulin for a little amount of time.  They say this can last anywhere from 3 months to 3 years mine decided to last maybe 1 month.  Last fall while in Walgreens I came across the magazine "Diabetic Living"  after glancing at it for a few seconds I decided it looked like a good one I would just go ahead and purchase.  I was still very shy about my diabetes and threw it on the counter with some other stuff, you would have thought I was buying tampons or something, I just still didn't want to admit to the world that I had this disease let alone myself.  I instantly liked the magazine and bought a subscription.

They have a section that asks you to submit personal tips and ideas and I decided I would go ahead and submit mine.  Months went by and I actually forgot about it all.  Just a couple months ago I received an email stating they wanted to publish my tip in the magazine and pay me $25 for it.  Not much but 25 dollars is 25 dollars.  I figured I would be in the fall issue and was looking forward to reading it eventually.  The Spring issue came out in late February and I didnt think much about it.  I let it sit in my room for a couple weeks until one night at work when I had time I decided to read my magazine.  There it was in print my tip and name!  I was excited and very surprised!  Hopefully my tip can help others, I know I have valued other people's tips in the magazine as well.  So here it is...

A Movie Date with Little Large Rants!

As I said before I have found dating and diabetes sometimes do not come hand in hand.  We had planned a small date to Pratt which is 30 minutes from my hometown to go to dinner and a movie.  However Saturday night I tried everything to get rid of this agonizing headache that just would not go away therefore we decided we would post pone our date till Sunday afternoon and go to the matinee.  What movie might be we going to see?  The Vow... of course Russell was less than thrilled but willing to take me!  

Before leaving I have to go through my usual mental list of what all I cannot forget to take with me.  I am a girly girl and change purses a lot therefore my medicines are not always in the same location. 

1) Glucometer

2) Insulins

3) Needles

4) Test Strips

5) Glucagel for the occasional lows

I have a pink bag that carries multiple little handy everyday things that I may need.  I was almost out of test strips so I had to grab another bottle before leaving.  I always take the gel with me when I am driving because you never know when I may drop and I haven't had to use it yet. 

We get to the theatre and get our tickets and then comes the snack bar!  As a child this was the highlight of the movies, the candy, soda and popcorn. Now it takes a minute to look at what may be diabetic friendly.  I hate diet Pepsi and it was the only diet soda they had so I went with an unsweetened tea.  Russell decided on a regular soda and small popcorn. 

 I was actually excited that we were going to an afternoon movie.  During evening movies at 8pm I have to take a shot and a pill therefore not having to constantly look at a clock during the first part of the movie was so much more enjoyable.

I can honestly say this was not my favorite Nicholas Spark's movie by far, it was actually very depressing.  During the movie there was a scene where Leo played by Channing Tateum was trying to win back his wife Page played by Rachel McAdams, they were at a cute little coffee shop and he was making her try different chocolates.  Even though yes I have diabetes doesn't mean I don't enjoy a good piece of chocolate I am just not able to enjoy an entire box of them.  As she is eating the chocolates she makes the comment "are you trying to make me a diabetic or just fat?" Instantly I was irritated and mildly  upset.  I didn't say a word I just sat there with a knot in my stomach.  Russell instantly grabbed my hand and squeezed it just a little bit tighter.  This gesture alone meant the world to me, with no words or even a reaction he knew exactly how to make me feel somewhat better. 

Let me start off my little rant by saying EATING CHOCOLATES DOES NOT GIVE YOU DIABETES!! I did not get this god given disease by eating 30 candy bars or an entire box of chocolates.  Due to the fact that I have diabetes means I cannot eat that many sweets at one time, I see where the narrow minded people of the world could get that confused.  I must say two years ago I would not have found the movie line as irritating but still would not have found the humor in it either.  

I saw a "Math Problem" on pinterest that stated "If John has 32 candy bars and eats 28, what does he have now?  The answer one would think is 4, he would have 4 candy bars however their answer was not 4 it was "Diabetes, John has Diabetes"  This image literally stuck with me for DAYS!  Next thing I knew I saw it on a friend's facebook page and multiple people were "liking" it.  It made me feel terrible at first that so many people would think this is how you get diabetes then finally I realized it was not their fault for their lack of knowledge when it comes to this disease.  Hell I would never eat another candy bar again if I knew it had caused me to have this disease but it did not.  I would love for every person that "liked" that image to live just one day in my shoes.  A day of giving yourself shots, analyzing everything that goes in your mouth and lets not forget the fun part of poking your finger multiple times a day and that is just to name a few. 

     Part of me feels hypocritical with these last few statements.  Would I have even noticed the line in the movie if I hadn't obtained this disease in the last year and a half? I am sure there are other illnesses in the past that I have joked about with people and this disease has made me more aware of those punch lines that literally do punch and I am so sorry.  All I ask is that before you make a facebook post or use a pinterest image about such a subject- think, think of what it is saying and what you know about it, think about who you could possibly hurt if anyone from the post and maybe do some research to see if what you are posting is a fact and not a joke. I am not saying I am perfect by all means I am far from but I have learned from the stings of other people's "funny posts" and it wasn't fun. 

Well that was supposed to be a small rant that as usual with me ended up very long! 

Who I Am and Where I've Been

Obviously from the title of this blog one can see that this blog is about my personal journey with diabetes.   I was diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic in November of 2010, at the time I had no idea exactly how much my life would really change.  This post is a quick catch up about who I am and where I've been. 

This is me during my senior year of college and approximately one year before my diagnoses as a diabetic.

The night before my college graduation.  This is me and my sister out celebrating, this is the last time I went out drinking before my diagnoses.

This is my first time going out after my diagnoses.  At the time I knew little about what alcohol could or would do to my body and its lacking pancreas.  That night was an amazing, fun, care-free night.  That night my blood sugar levels reached about 300 due to all of the beer and liquor.  At the time I was determined to live a normal life as a 23yr old, not thinking nor caring about any of the consequences. 

Morgan!  He was my roomie during college.  At this point we hadn't seen each other in 6 months. Morgan noticed the start of my weight loss.  I need to back up a bit.  I was first diagnosed as a type 2 diabetic and the treatment was with metformin, a pill that I took twice a day.  Therefore my diabetes was controlled mainly by a strict diet that I honestly didn't stick to that well. 

This is my very best friend Kristopher!  He lives three states away and anytime I get to see him, I usually badger him for a picture or two.  At this point I had not started insulin yet.  Unknowingly my body was toxic with glucose and I was losing around 7lbs a week, sounds pretty perfect however I was constantly sick, which I assumed was normal. This night Kris and I went out and it was one of the few times I was able to have a good time without feeling terrible. 

Justine and I traveled to New Mexico last summer.  It was my first long trip out of town and I couldnt help but be a little concerned that I could end up very sick and far away from my family and doctors. I was still sick and waiting for my first appointment with my specialist.  This short weekend road trip was one of the best times ever.  We had an amazing time and nothing was getting in my way of having fun!  You could say it was a trip of a lifetime! ;) 

Me at my smallest size.  I have always been a bigger girl, my entire life, and at this point I had lost about 65lbs since my diagnoses. I loved going shopping and always going down a size, still at this time, I did not know the reason for such a drastic weight loss was due to the fact that my body was spilling keytones.  This weekend was the last weekend before I was to see my specialist.  I decided to have one last "hoorah" I was spending the weekend in Wichita with my family and let my blood sugar get completely out of control.  My sugar levels reached their highest and instead of driving home I had to stay an extra day in Wichita with my family to work at getting my sugars down. 

Finally went and saw my specialist.  After many tests they discovered that I was a type 1 diabetic and my pancreas had officially broken.  At this point I started two different insulins and took about 3-4 shots a day.  This is me and my diabetic bracelet.  My doctors had warned me that I would start to gain a little bit of my weight back which was less than thrilling to me but I knew it was for health reasons. 

Justine and I were Can-Can dancers at the Peace Treaty this past year.  As a little girl I adored the can-can dancers but I never dreamed of getting to be one.  Due to my diabetes I had lost enough weight to where I could actually fit in a costume and attempt the dances.  Justine encouraged me to do it and I am so very grateful for her.  Not only did she spend so much time one on one with me teaching me the dances but she helped me accomplish a childhood dream.  It was one of the best experiences of my life.  I was in the best shape of my life. We practiced twice a week and I became very attached to my "Night Show Family"  

I had gained about 10lbs back at this point.  Days before this picture was taken I experienced my lowest blood sugar.  I work nights which I know is terrible for a diabetic but I wouldnt change the shift I work for anything!  I was sleeping one morning when I woke up soaked in sweat and shaking terribly.  I didnt have my glucometer with me.  This morning I literally crawled to my kitchen to get a soda to boost my sugar.  I made it back to my bed and woke up hours later not sure of what all had happened earlier that morning. 

My bff Jenn and I went to see Reba in concert.  It was an amazing show and so much fun.  That night during the show I needed to take my 24hr insulin at 8pm.  I was not leaving this show for anything and ended up taking my shot in the dark feeling around for my needles.  I wouldnt recommend this but the stubborn part of me was not letting this disease bother my night in any way! 

This is me and my boyfriend Russell.  After being diagnosed I had sworn off dating and wanted to concentrate on me and only me.  Right before my diagnoses, I was dating a great guy and not knowing how much high blood sugars effect your mood swings, I was terribly moody and just not fair to him.  We broke up 20days before I was officially a diabetic.  At this point I knew dating would never be easy but is it ever?  I met Russell in May and I am not quite sure he knew what he was getting himself into.  My diabetes was not too bad then and we had a somewhat normal relationship.  I started insulin later that summer and I can honestly say our relationship would be different if diabetes weren't such a factor.  When I start a new insulin the doctors run me high and I am a basket case.  I will literally bite my lip so hard it bleeds due to the fact if I open my mouth I will say something terrible.  He had to learn right along with me what was good for me to eat and not so great.  When my blood sugar drops he knows exactly what to do to help. This man has literally left in the middle of the night to get me a soda due to a low blood sugar.  One night we were in one of our little arguments and I had bottomed out and needed help but was too angry and stubborn to ask for help, he noticed and still took excellent care of me.  Some days I don't realize how much this disease effects him, he wasn't born with this, I was.  He can walk away at any second and at times I wouldn't blame him at all, I can be so difficult.  I am grateful for him but would give anything to have a normal relationship that didn't involve insulin, glucometers, and a specific diet. 

My sister and I a few weeks ago and I have now gained about 20lbs back which makes me both happy and sad. My doctor had started me on a third insulin.  I take 7 shots a day and am reading material on an insulin pump.  They have suggested this for months and I just mentally havent been ready.  I had an allergic reaction to the new shot and ended up with welts all over my abdomen therefore I know it's time for the pump and will adjust to whatever I have to.  All I know is that I want a limegreen pump! :)  I was also deemed to be a "brittle" diabetic which means my sugars are completely out of control, basically it is the worst diabetic you can be.  All appointments are so overwhelming with more and more negative news that I just try and roll with it.  That appointment was also where my fears of having children were confirmed.  He did not say it was impossible he just said it was not likely to be a successful pregnancy when the time ever came in my life.

 I have learned that you cannot always be so stubborn when it comes to this disease, you have to ask for help when you need it and learn to accept it when it is offered to you. I have an amazing support system that I am not always appreciative of but I couldnt do any of this without my family and amazing friends!