Who I Am and Where I've Been

Obviously from the title of this blog one can see that this blog is about my personal journey with diabetes.   I was diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic in November of 2010, at the time I had no idea exactly how much my life would really change.  This post is a quick catch up about who I am and where I've been. 

This is me during my senior year of college and approximately one year before my diagnoses as a diabetic.

The night before my college graduation.  This is me and my sister out celebrating, this is the last time I went out drinking before my diagnoses.

This is my first time going out after my diagnoses.  At the time I knew little about what alcohol could or would do to my body and its lacking pancreas.  That night was an amazing, fun, care-free night.  That night my blood sugar levels reached about 300 due to all of the beer and liquor.  At the time I was determined to live a normal life as a 23yr old, not thinking nor caring about any of the consequences. 

Morgan!  He was my roomie during college.  At this point we hadn't seen each other in 6 months. Morgan noticed the start of my weight loss.  I need to back up a bit.  I was first diagnosed as a type 2 diabetic and the treatment was with metformin, a pill that I took twice a day.  Therefore my diabetes was controlled mainly by a strict diet that I honestly didn't stick to that well. 

This is my very best friend Kristopher!  He lives three states away and anytime I get to see him, I usually badger him for a picture or two.  At this point I had not started insulin yet.  Unknowingly my body was toxic with glucose and I was losing around 7lbs a week, sounds pretty perfect however I was constantly sick, which I assumed was normal. This night Kris and I went out and it was one of the few times I was able to have a good time without feeling terrible. 

Justine and I traveled to New Mexico last summer.  It was my first long trip out of town and I couldnt help but be a little concerned that I could end up very sick and far away from my family and doctors. I was still sick and waiting for my first appointment with my specialist.  This short weekend road trip was one of the best times ever.  We had an amazing time and nothing was getting in my way of having fun!  You could say it was a trip of a lifetime! ;) 

Me at my smallest size.  I have always been a bigger girl, my entire life, and at this point I had lost about 65lbs since my diagnoses. I loved going shopping and always going down a size, still at this time, I did not know the reason for such a drastic weight loss was due to the fact that my body was spilling keytones.  This weekend was the last weekend before I was to see my specialist.  I decided to have one last "hoorah" I was spending the weekend in Wichita with my family and let my blood sugar get completely out of control.  My sugar levels reached their highest and instead of driving home I had to stay an extra day in Wichita with my family to work at getting my sugars down. 

Finally went and saw my specialist.  After many tests they discovered that I was a type 1 diabetic and my pancreas had officially broken.  At this point I started two different insulins and took about 3-4 shots a day.  This is me and my diabetic bracelet.  My doctors had warned me that I would start to gain a little bit of my weight back which was less than thrilling to me but I knew it was for health reasons. 

Justine and I were Can-Can dancers at the Peace Treaty this past year.  As a little girl I adored the can-can dancers but I never dreamed of getting to be one.  Due to my diabetes I had lost enough weight to where I could actually fit in a costume and attempt the dances.  Justine encouraged me to do it and I am so very grateful for her.  Not only did she spend so much time one on one with me teaching me the dances but she helped me accomplish a childhood dream.  It was one of the best experiences of my life.  I was in the best shape of my life. We practiced twice a week and I became very attached to my "Night Show Family"  

I had gained about 10lbs back at this point.  Days before this picture was taken I experienced my lowest blood sugar.  I work nights which I know is terrible for a diabetic but I wouldnt change the shift I work for anything!  I was sleeping one morning when I woke up soaked in sweat and shaking terribly.  I didnt have my glucometer with me.  This morning I literally crawled to my kitchen to get a soda to boost my sugar.  I made it back to my bed and woke up hours later not sure of what all had happened earlier that morning. 

My bff Jenn and I went to see Reba in concert.  It was an amazing show and so much fun.  That night during the show I needed to take my 24hr insulin at 8pm.  I was not leaving this show for anything and ended up taking my shot in the dark feeling around for my needles.  I wouldnt recommend this but the stubborn part of me was not letting this disease bother my night in any way! 

This is me and my boyfriend Russell.  After being diagnosed I had sworn off dating and wanted to concentrate on me and only me.  Right before my diagnoses, I was dating a great guy and not knowing how much high blood sugars effect your mood swings, I was terribly moody and just not fair to him.  We broke up 20days before I was officially a diabetic.  At this point I knew dating would never be easy but is it ever?  I met Russell in May and I am not quite sure he knew what he was getting himself into.  My diabetes was not too bad then and we had a somewhat normal relationship.  I started insulin later that summer and I can honestly say our relationship would be different if diabetes weren't such a factor.  When I start a new insulin the doctors run me high and I am a basket case.  I will literally bite my lip so hard it bleeds due to the fact if I open my mouth I will say something terrible.  He had to learn right along with me what was good for me to eat and not so great.  When my blood sugar drops he knows exactly what to do to help. This man has literally left in the middle of the night to get me a soda due to a low blood sugar.  One night we were in one of our little arguments and I had bottomed out and needed help but was too angry and stubborn to ask for help, he noticed and still took excellent care of me.  Some days I don't realize how much this disease effects him, he wasn't born with this, I was.  He can walk away at any second and at times I wouldn't blame him at all, I can be so difficult.  I am grateful for him but would give anything to have a normal relationship that didn't involve insulin, glucometers, and a specific diet. 

My sister and I a few weeks ago and I have now gained about 20lbs back which makes me both happy and sad. My doctor had started me on a third insulin.  I take 7 shots a day and am reading material on an insulin pump.  They have suggested this for months and I just mentally havent been ready.  I had an allergic reaction to the new shot and ended up with welts all over my abdomen therefore I know it's time for the pump and will adjust to whatever I have to.  All I know is that I want a limegreen pump! :)  I was also deemed to be a "brittle" diabetic which means my sugars are completely out of control, basically it is the worst diabetic you can be.  All appointments are so overwhelming with more and more negative news that I just try and roll with it.  That appointment was also where my fears of having children were confirmed.  He did not say it was impossible he just said it was not likely to be a successful pregnancy when the time ever came in my life.

 I have learned that you cannot always be so stubborn when it comes to this disease, you have to ask for help when you need it and learn to accept it when it is offered to you. I have an amazing support system that I am not always appreciative of but I couldnt do any of this without my family and amazing friends!