Pump it Up!!

First Day of Officially Pumping

 Written: Tuesday August 31, 2012

It seems like this day took forever to finally get here...Today (July 24, 2012) is the day that I am supposed to get this device that is supposedly supposed to change my life and make life so much easier for me. Hmmm how is something that is attached to me 24/7 supposed to make life easier?  This has definitely been a “I’ll believe it when I see it” kinda moments.  When first hearing about the pump I had thought it was something you hooked up to only when you needed insulin not something that stays with you when you sleep, work, and play.  Interested, I think not.  Plus one of the most important questions “how am I going to accessorize this with all of my outfits?”  

Who needs one more reason to tell the world “look at me I have diabetes”  As stated before I have always been very private about this disease for many reasons, embarrassment, sympathy, or judgement.  I figured as many people in the world are so ignorant about this disease they would all assume I did this to myself by being overweight.  I remember thinking to myself “I know plenty of people who are larger than me and they do not have to battle this?”  This was usually followed with the question “Why me?” 

Back to pumping.  Mom and I arrived in Wichita for my appointment at 9am.  The overly cheery trainer proceeded to start “class” when the other girl arrived for her training.  She was super nice and had been battling this disease for 5 years nearly 4 more than myself.  We took the exact same amount of insulin which was also kinda crazy and were around the same age.  She however got a purple pump and mine is clear.  I was a little sad when I saw the bright pretty pump she would get to wear however if I couldn’t have lime green then clear would be the next best color (and it would go with more outfits!)  The instructor figured out numerous calculations and set our pumps up with the basil rates we would each need.  Finally came the part that terrified me.  Inserting the infusion set.  I was chosen to go first of course. 

The Infusion Set

 I remember sitting in the room thinking to myself “this is your life now”  At one point I completely lost focus and just sat there teary eyed.  This is not something I want.  At the age of 24 an insulin pump should not be high on the priority list.  I want to go out with my friends and not think about how many carbs one beer has.  I want to take a random road trip without having to freak out when thinking “did I pack EVERYTHING I need to survive being away from home for just 24hrs?”  I want sleep without worrying that I will crash and have no help.  

I loaded what I call the “piercer” and clicked it into my abdomen, my co-student cringed at the noise it made and mom looked at me with concern, no it didn’t hurt, was it overwhelming? Yes.  Did I think I could do this again by myself? Um NO! 

Before you pull back the button

What I Call the "Piercer" You click the buttons on the sides and BAM it shoots right in you.

Class ended and I was pretty sure I would have no problem running the pump.  Changing out the infusion set... that may be another story.  Mom and I went to eat lunch at the mall after class.  On the way there I was highly irritable due to the high blood sugars, stress and just overwhelming feeling I had.  At the mall I ordered my food sat down and decided to go ahead and give myself some insulin.  I checked my blood sugar, typed it in, enter, skipped the carb step, enter, then typed in 8 units of insulin.  I put my pump back in my pocket when suddenly it started buzzing.  “Seriously?”  The pump started flashing “no delivery”  Of course leave it to me to have the defective pump or body that breaks down right as soon as class was over.  I tried to detach the pump from my body, that didn’t work.  I couldn’t even un-twist the infusion set. Mom was trying to help me when finally the tears came.  Yup right there in the middle of the food court I broke down.  I was standing there with my stomach for the world to see trying to get this damn machine off of me crying hard.  Finally mom convinced me to call the instructor who of course did not answer.  My only other option besides standing there and crying was to call the company.  I was so upset I couldn’t think this was going to help at all.  My biggest fear was that they would tell me to take the entire infusion set out and put a new one in.  I had three days till I was supposed to worry about that!  Medtronic (the company) was super nice.  Oh the poor guy that answered the phone...I was crying so hard he started getting nervous but was so sweet.  Finally he sent me to a lady who walked me step by step on how to get the pump detached from me.  Then of course my luck could not get any better...the infusion set was bad.  I needed a longer needle or to go into a skinnier section of my body therefore this machine was hooked into me doing nothing.  Not to mention the “oh crap your body has no insulin in you” therefore not only did I have an infusion set in me... I also had to now give myself a damn shot.  This was so not my day.  

This is exactly how it looked that day in the mall with my mom and I screaming at each other. 

This is the part of the pump I could not get off of me, it is super simple now and takes less than 2 seconds :) 

Meanwhile I am at the mall drying my tears with my useless pump attached.  A good friend called and I was trying so hard to not cry all over again, it was a new friendship and I did not want him to see this side of me... I am one of those people who hate crying in front of other people, it is embarrassing and usually super personal.  He was amazing, and made me feel so much better (as much as I could)  I am sure I came off cranky but he was patient with me which was so helpful to my terrible mood.  

Mom and I went to Target before we headed home and she asked me if I wanted to try and change it out.  I really did.  I wanted to wear something that was actually working in me.  So we sat in Starbucks with my books and all the gadgets ready to put another one in.  This time I went higher more towards my rib cage.  Between the two of us we figured it out and actually got it to work...  I felt tons better and way more confident about the whole situation.  

24 hours later my blood sugars went from being in the high 400’s to the 90’s.  I was extremely impressed.  Completely sold? Not so much, not yet anyways.  Sleeping that first night was terrible.  I would have to try and remember where it was so I wouldn’t roll over and just completely rip it out and it hurt when I accidentally laid on top of it. 

My co-workers are super supportive and even watched me change my pump out tonight which was a huge step for me, I absolutely love them for everything they have been through with me.  As for the supportive friend, I was actually at his house when my infusion set completely came out.  I had everything to replace it but seriously?  How embarrassing?  I know, I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed but I am so guarded with this disease.  He could not have been nicer.  He kept asking me if he could help or what I needed him to do.  I stood there in my head thinking to myself “don’t cry, don’t cry”  I tried so hard to play it cool but I was really freaking out and thinking to myself “who wants to deal with this disease that doesn’t have to?” Finally I put a new set in and all was well, I made him not look. lol

I do believe at the time God literally placed this man into my life to help me through this small diabetic battle.  He is a patient, kind, caring man and just what I needed at this point in my journey.  We talk little now but his support and kindness will always be super special to me, you know who you are....so “Thank YOU!” doesn’t even begin to describe how grateful I am for you to have been there with me. :) 

This. Is. My. Life. Now.  If I want to live to or past the age of 50 right now this is my only solution.  If I ever want a chance at children, this is how.  If I want to keep my fingers and toes, this may help.  If I want my old life back in some way, this will help.  Freedom is something that went out the window for me awhile back.  With this pump I am finally getting a small taste of having it back.  Am I a proud pumper?  Not yet.  I am still self conscious to an extent and catch people staring at it.  I am sure however 6 months down the road I won’t even know it is there.  It is my new best friend and as I like to call it “My pancreas in a box” :) 

My Pancreas in a Box.

I had to also get a new meter that automatically sends my blood sugar to my pump to correct and store it. 

1st time going swimming with my pump, I had nowhere to put it for the drive to the lake.  I had to take it off while swimming and hook up to it every so often for the day. 

Wearing my pump while visiting the "wiener mobile" with the girls!